Thursday, 30 October 2014

How to blog a recipe

Step 1. Pick a really easy recipe. Something you really don't technically really need a recipe for. Like vegetable soup or tuna pasta bake. Call it 'the best xxx you'll ever make' or 'a cosy winter favourite'. You're not a very good cook but you've got a great DRSL, a white table and a driftwood chopping board, so, whatever.

Step 2. Arrange your ingredients on the wooden board. Preferably line them up in a pleasing fashion. This will take a long time but you'll get a lot of pins for your geometric arrangements of carrot and celery. Carry the board over to the window and take a light-flooded photo.

Step 3. Chop the items. Place them all into individual bowls. Carry to the window and make sure you've got your 50ml lens on. Maybe even take some macro photos. Mmm. Carrot chunks.

Step 4. Put things in a pot, add stuff, cook. It's fucking basic, so who cares.

Step 5. Paint your nails. This part is IMPORTANT. Ensure you're wearing a perfect chunky knit jumper, and your manicure is immaculate.

Step 6. Set up your tripod. Set the timer. Pour whatever slop you've made into a bowl and wrap your hands around its life giving warmth - look how wholesome you are! This is where that manicure is all important! Maybe wear some fingerless mittens, just to emphasise how wonderfully cosy it all is. Take a picture. Ahh, the red nail polish works so well against the soup and the bowl. Who cares what it tastes like!

Let me just say, I love recipe blogs. I love finding recipes that are really exciting, look utterly delicious.

Pictures are important when they illustrate some crucial point - and yes, sometimes because they look good - you eat with your eyes first, right? But seriously, the FOOD has to be the thing that looks good.

I have just read one too many of the above - crappy food where the blog isn't about the food at all.  Something just snapped. I realise basic recipes have their place too, for the novice cooks, but really, what the hell. If you can't cook, you don't need geometrically arranged celery and wistful macro shots of cubed veg to help you learn.

1 comment:

  1. 'You're not a very good cook but you've got a great DRSL, a white table and a driftwood chopping board, so, whatever.' and 'Maybe wear some fingerless mittens'. SWEET JESUS, you made me laugh.